Author Archives: Deborah Rasso

A little something about ANXIETY

I’m FREAKIN’ Out!
By Debbie Rasso, LMHC, CAP, NCC, ICADC

How many times have you heard yourself or someone else say this? Things at times seem overwhelming and we may begin to feel high levels of anxiety. In the past, we would pick up our favorite drug or drink. Doctors were often quick to “give you a pill” to help you with that. That, of course, isn’t much help. What we really need are the coping skills to be able to “deal with” the anxiety we are feeling. We need to solve the problem that is causing the anxiety. Sometimes it isn’t so easy to think rationally. Especially when the pulse is raising, we are having racing thoughts, and are on the verge of a panic attack. Here are a few quick things you can try that may get you to calm down enough to begin to think of solutions to the problem at hand.
1. Check your breathing – Make sure you ARE breathing. Sometimes you will be holding your breath and not even realizing it. Take long SLOW deep breaths. If you need to, breath into a paper bag for a minute or two. (cup it around your nose and mouth).
2. Tell yourself “It is going to be fine, I can handle this”. Repeat this phrase until you believe it. There really isn’t much that you can’t handle.
3. Get a cold drink. If you’re driving, blast yourself with cold air from the air conditioner. If you’re at home, take a few deep breaths with your head in the freezer (who cares who’s looking!)
4. Smell something that comforts you. Reach for your favorite cologne or air freshener. Take a wiff of some chocolate or coffee. This sensory experience will interrupt the process in the brain that is feeding the anxiety.
5. Take a brisk walk or go to the gym.
6. Talk to a friend, family member or your sponsor.
7. Try mindfullness (Pay attention to everything around you at the moment…hear the birds, feel the air on your skin, feel your feet on the floor, listen to yourself breath, listen to the sounds in the room.
8. Put on your favorite music and sing along really loud! Or just get up and dance until you can’t dance anymore.
Once the panic is over, take some time to think about what is making you feel anxious. Take pen to paper and journal about your feelings or make a list of things you can do to solve the problem at hand. Remember not to sweat the small stuff!

Forgiveness (found this in a drawer)

Are you co-dependent???

I’m Ok ONLY if you’re OK….. Romeo!

By Debbie Rasso, MS, LMHC, CAP, NCC

When you find yourself living to make someone else happy, you might just be a co-dependent. When another person’s needs are more important than your own, you might just be a co-dependent. When it is your job to save someone, you just might be a co-dependent.  Everyone knows the age old story of Romeo and Juliet.  One was unwilling to live without the other… this is codependency at work.  It creeps up on some people.  You think that the relationship is equal and he/she is the “love of your life”. Suddenly, the relationship is your life.  You are “holding it all together”.  The more you do for this person, the more you have to do for this person.  Then you figure… he/she will need me if I do everything for them and then they will LOVE me.  And in the end that is what you are looking for – someone to love you.  Here is a novel idea… love yourself instead!  If you put the energy into taking care of yourself that you do taking care of that other person, you will probably realize you are much happier and you deserve someone who will give as much as they take, an equal partner.

Co-dependents are addicted to the relationship.  That is why it is important in early recovery to avoid relationships.  You replace your drug with a person.  Suddenly you want to do everything and anything for that other person. All your energy is invested in making this other person happy.  Just like all your energy used to be invested in finding that drug or drink and enjoying that rush when you took it… but soon it turned into the quest to be able to find more. Yes, sometimes that person will love you back and you will feel the thrill of being loved and needed, not long after you will feel the emptiness again when they disregard your feelings or disappoint you. Then…. the chase is back on to meet their needs again and this time you are SURE it will be different…

If you are an addict/alcoholic there was probably a co-dependent right next to you trying to take care of you and keep you from consequences. Dad didn’t let you go to jail, Mom gave you money when deep down she knew it was for drugs, wife called your work and said you had the “flu”. The list goes on. Behind every good addict is a better co-dependent. Now that you are in recovery, don’t go to the “dark side” and become the co-dependent for another addict. Stop the cycle.

Just because you have been the addict, don’t think you can’t be the co-dependent. Often you are both. If you find you have low self-esteem, you try to control others, you’re a perfectionist, you deny your own feelings (or don’t even know what they are), you don’t feel you can trust people, you’re always doing more than everyone else, you will do anything to stay in the relationship, and you feel like no one appreciates all that you do, then you might be a co-dependent and you probably aren’t very happy.

There are so many books that can help you. One of the most popular is “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. Therapy will help you. There are also meetings and support groups such as CODA  (Codependents Anonymous). Stop the madness. Take care of yourself. Believe that you are worth it – Because you are!

Happy Holidays to Everyone!!!

Holiday Perfection???

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Holiday Perfection

Around this time of the year, mere mortal humans strive to be in the perfect zone during the holidays.  Wanting to achieve the famous holiday legend which seems to hold on year after year – perfection. The perfect present, the perfect partner, the perfect party, the perfect dinner, the perfect day and lastly the perfect reaction.

I have to admit I too reach for that elusive holiday perfection in my mind. All the media hype sets extremely unreachable goals which sets me up for disappointment when it is not achieved in reality. Perfection is really folklore.

Perfection causes

Unfortunately due to all the variables this concept of perfection is not possible. Even the smallest disappointment shatters the season. What does happen with this concept of perfection is you analyze your efforts, methods and yourself. Then instead of a Christmas list you come up with a long mental lists of everything you said or did wrong that was not perfect.  This mindset and endeavor truly defeats the spirit.

Reach for the spirit

Instead of keeping score of your failures, why don’t you work on a list of all you have to be grateful for? If you do, you will discover that you have so much more to be grateful for not only this holiday season but also throughout the coming year.

Posted by William Tollefson at 6:36 AM

Sometimes Kids Need Therapy Too…

Brought to you by
Everyday Health

When Children Need Therapy
By Dennis Thompson Jr. | Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Children have many of the same mental health issues as adults and may also need counseling.
Here’s some advice on finding therapy for kids.
Adults like to think of childhood as a carefree time full of play and enjoyment, but that’s not true for all kids. Children are
susceptible to the same emotional health issues and mood disorders that plague adults. As many as one in five children
and adolescents may have an identifiable mental disorder that requires treatment. At least 1 in 10 has a serious emotional
disturbance.
Psychological counseling can help with many of these issues. Therapy for kids can aid children who have such problems
as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and conduct disorder.

Signs of Trouble
Warning signs that your child may need psychological counseling include:
Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness
Constant anger and a tendency to overreact to situations
Persistent worry, anxiety, or fearfulness
Preoccupation with physical illness or their own appearance
Fear that someone is controlling his mind, or that he is “out of control”
A sudden, unexplained drop in grades at school
A loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyed
Changes in patterns of sleeping or eating
Reclusiveness, preferring to be alone rather than in the company of friends or family
Hearing voices that aren’t there
Expressing thoughts of suicide
An inability to concentrate, think clearly, or make decisions
An inability to sit still
Performing routines obsessively throughout the day, such as washing hands or cleaning things
Experiencing regular nightmares
Alcohol or drug use
Dieting obsessively, or binging followed by vomiting or taking laxatives
Taking part in violent acts such as setting fires or killing animals

If a child or adolescent shows some or many of these signs, he likely needs therapy. Therapy for kids can be very
beneficial, particularly if a problem is identified before it can grow worse.

Types of Childhood Therapy
Many different types of mental health issues can arise in children, and therapy comes in many forms. Some forms of
counseling available to children, and the disorders they can help treat, include:
Cognitive ­behavioral therapy. In this form of counseling, children are taught how their own thoughts can
affect their mood and behavior. Kids are shown how to identify negative or distorted thought patterns and deal
with them. This type of therapy is helpful in addressing mood disorders like anxiety and depression.
Play therapy. Kids are given toys to play with, and a psychotherapist watches their play to better understand
their emotional or mental health issues. Different types of play help the child figure out feelings and express
them. Play therapy can help kids who have depression or anxiety because they are having trouble dealing with
life issues like divorce or the death of a loved one.
Psychodynamic psychotherapy. This is the children’s version of the classic “talking cure,” by which a
psychotherapist helps figure out the issues that are influencing how a child thinks or acts. The therapy operates
on the theory that a child’s behavior will improve once his inner struggles are brought out in the open. This can
help a child who has anxiety or depression, is dealing with an eating disorder, or is lashing out due to a conduct
disorder.
Behavior therapy. This sort of therapy for kids differs from cognitive­behavioral therapy in that it focuses on
behavior modification. Behaviors are identified that need to be discouraged or encouraged, and then parents
work to change the environmental factors that contribute to those behaviors and also provide consequences for
desired or undesired behavior. It is helpful for treating children who have ADHD, as well as other conditions for
which behavior modification is desired.
Finding Help Resources available to help parents who are concerned about their child’s mental health include:
The National Mental Health Information Center has a toll­free number (1­800­789­2647), which parents can call
to ask questions and receive information and brochures.
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry offers an online resource for locating certified kids’
therapists. You also can call the academy at 1­202­966­7300.
Don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor or a qualified therapist if your child seems to be having a problem. Quick attention can
help him better overcome the issues he’s coping with, and lead a happier and healthier childhood.

Managing Depression and Stress During the Holidays

Managing Depression and Stress during the Holidays

By Debbie Rasso, LMHC, NCC, CAP

Holidays are filled with emotions. Not all of them are good.  For many people, the holidays can be less than joyful. Common feelings that arise during the holidays are depression and anxiety (aka stress).

There are many challenges at this time of year. The emphasis on shopping can bring financial stress. Holidays also are the time when families get together, including those that don’t get along.  If you have lost a loved one, holidays bring up grief and loss issues. Many people over extend themselves by agreeing to do more than they can handle. All of these factors can lead a person to feel sadness and stress.  Common symptoms include headaches, overeating, insomnia and excessive drinking.

Lately, the holidays seem to start earlier (can anyone say “Merry Halloween?”) which extends the time that a person experiences stress and/or depression.  Contrary to popular belief, the suicide rate goes down during the holidays; however, it increases as much as 40% when the New Year starts. This is often due to post-holiday stress, fatigue and feelings of disappointment if the holidays did not live up to expectations or brought too much “drama”.  It is important to reduce the stress and depression now rather than to suffer the consequences later.

So what can you do to reduce the risk? Here are a few simple tips:

1. Increase your social support network so you are not isolated. This can be done by attending support groups, calling friends or volunteering.
2. Set realistic goals for yourself. Learn to say “No”, so that you don’t overextend yourself.
3. Acknowledge your feelings and don’t force yourself to feel something that isn’t there. Grieve if you need to. You don’t have to feel happy just because “Joy to the World” is playing.
4. Try to be more tolerant of others. Remember that they are feeling the stress of the holidays too. Don’t take things personally. Try to set aside differences during the holidays. Also, you should limit the time you spend with people you don’t get along with.
5. Make sure that you maintain healthy habits. Get plenty of rest, try to get 20 minutes of sunlight and fresh air daily, exercise regularly and watch your calorie and alcohol intake. Remember, alcohol is a depressant. It may feel like it is improving your mood, but it has the side effect of making you feel worse.
6. Take time for self-care. Relax and read a book, get a massage, listen to quiet music, do some mindfulness meditation. Don’t volunteer to have the holiday gathering at your house! Let someone else be the host.
7. Focus on the good memories. Nostalgia has been proven to have remarkable positive psychological benefits.
8. Seek professional help. If after trying all of the above, you still find yourself fighting depression, lacking energy, struggling with sleep, or feeling helpless or hopeless, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

Treating the core problem of childhood trauma.

Had to share…for a hoot!